It's my daughter's 18th birthday today and I'm prompted to reflect
There are so many lessons that one learns about themself in the process, particularly that opportunity to revisit memories of one's own childhood from a new perspective.
I found a new gratitude for my parents and was able to let go of some painful experiences too.
A key moment for me in fathering a daughter was recognising my own sexism, which came as a surprise after identifying as a feminist and studying that topic through one of my university degrees.
It came after years of viewing my daughter with some suspicion, based on what I now see as a resourcefulness to get what she wanted without asking.
A family member had written letters to each of my three children and, after they were discarded, I looked over them and recognised a distinct shift in tone within the correspondence directed to the girl.
That prompted me to reflect on how my own interactions had subtle, yet observable, differences that meant I treated my daughter differently to her brothers.
Over time I worked to consider my attitudes and address the perception that I might be unconsciously sexist in my behaviour.
This isn't to say that I don't worry about how the world treats females, particularly how their needs are different, but it was a step toward recognising I wanted her to retain those capabilities and strengths that had been previously a source of conflict.
In psychology they identify positive and negative conditioning as ways of shaping behaviours, and I guess I'm trying to articulate that the opportunity to be a father to a daughter helped me to recognise a broader range of strategies in parenting.
