The passing of Ozzy Osbourne has got me feeling sentimental
Feels like heresy but for the longest time I thought he was the worst singer in Black Sabbath's history and couldn't appreciate his solo work either.
My interest in heavy metal started in the mid-1980s when I began buying cheap vinyl, particularly Wasp's "Inside the Electric Circus."
That album didn't get a lot of listening, but was followed with an introduction to Motley Crue's "Theatre of Pain" and then things got progressively heavier with Guns n' Roses "Appetite for Destruction" and into Metallica just before "And Justice For All."
The pursuit of thrash metal and headbanging at the rollerskating rink was accompanied with learning to play guitar, then Faith No More's cover of 'War Pigs' made me realise I needed to learn about Sabbath.
Their earlier material had slower tempos and those blues shuffles that now make Van Halen sound like they can't keep time because everyone is so used to hearing quantised rhythms.
Many late nights were spent exploring the extensive catalogue of Sabbath and I remember for the longest time I thought their peak was 'Zero the Hero':
That monstrous overdubbed guitar riff and horror movie clip really rocked my teenage world.
The production sounds flat today, but the chord changes that build toward the chorus are fun.
Anyway, the interest in playing guitar was fuelled by nights at my cousin's bedsit apartment.
We would rock his Marshall half-stack into the early hours, messing with an Alesis effects unit and drum machine.
My cousin Chris was a fan of Ozzy's lesser-known guitarist, Jake E Lee.
In particular I remember there was a lot of rewinding the videotape of a live show to appreciate this solo in 'Killer of Giants':
Listening now I appreciate the melodic sensibility balanced with squealing pitchbends and fingertaps.
However, Ozzy's singing still grated on me.
How was it that someone who'd been at the birth of metal, launched so many careers and worked with so many of my favourite musicians could sound so flat and look so goofy?
Then 1991 saw the release of "No More Tears" and, amazingly, it still is amazing:
Those saturated colours of the MTV era, that remarkable riff from young Zakk Wylde and even the synthesisers sound gooder than I remember.
And, even as binge-drinking kid in denima jacket featuring Satan on numerous patches, that Beatles-esque segue in the middle was what made me pay attention.
I got the reference and it was audacious.
Years later, after recognising 'The Wizard' from being sampled by Cypress Hill, I realised I needed to reconsider Sabbath and found Ozzy's singing to be less of a problem for me.
I mean, I still think there are people who do covers of his material that elevates it -- such as Charles Bradley here:
However, for the little my experiences are worth sharing, I began to really dig Ozzy as I got older for the way his music took me back to these moments where I came to appreciate something that a younger me hadn't enjoyed.
I read his autobiography after finding a secondhand copy and it is one of the funniest things I've read since Ben Elton, although I would've liked more reflection on his trauma and those he inflicted.
Or even more detail about working with so many incredible musicians.
The role of Ozzy's music has become bittersweet as people I associate with it have died.
My cousin Chris was an influence for so many years and more recently the tune 'Mama I'm Coming Home' was such a poignant performance at Ozzy's last gig.
When I shared it with my partner, she reminded me it had also been the last post that a friend had made on Facebook and I realised that I'd forgotten that moment for a reason.
At the time I'd 'liked' the post and thought I was looking forward to her return to the Riverina.
Then, after events that don't need to be shared, I had gone back and unliked it for feeling as though I might have condoned suicidal ideation.
Sadly, it's another powerful feeling that I now associate with Ozzy's music.
